Remember – You Don’t Want a Fixer Upper!

Fixer-uppers are fine when you’re talking about a car, a house or a cottage up north. But when it comes to women, you do not want a fixer-upper! Female fixer-uppers come with problems that can’t be fixed with your tender loving care and money, so if you sense you’re dating a woman like this, you might want to break it off before you have any regrets.

Yes, this sounds sort of callus, but you’re looking for a nice girl, right? Fixer-uppers might have the makings of a nice girl, but do you truly want to spend a lot of time chancing it?

You might be better off looking for a woman who’s already got herself together – at least for the most part. It’s true that nobody is perfect and we all have our issues and baggage to carry around. The question is, how much baggage, and how many issues make a woman a fixer-upper? Only you can decide that.

In the world of love, fixer-uppers are bad girls who helpful souls like yourself think they can change for the better, or they’re people with a bunch of issues, even if they aren’t necessarily bad.

Certainly, there’s a place in this world for compassion and kindness, and this isn’t to suggest that you let people who legitimately need and want help to fall by the wayside. This is saying that you have an obligation to yourself to not get caught up in a situation that you may really seriously regret in the future.

That’s why when you spot a fixer-upper, you need to avoid dating her or becoming romantically involved with her until she’s emotionally healthy. Most females with self-confidence issues and the like are attracted to bad boys.

They want to try to help this man and change him for the better to make themselves feel good, often with disastrous results. Female fixer-uppers and bad girls often have low self-esteem, low self-confidence and are generally insecure. Bad boys like women like this because they can easily be manipulated.

You, on the other hand, are looking for a woman who doesn’t need fixing. You are looking for a girl who has her self-esteem and self-confidence firmly in place and is secure and happy with who she is.

If a good woman finds herself facing certain issues, she’ll be the type who will deal with them positively and productively. Again, no one is without baggage, but an emotionally healthy woman will tackle her own issues rather than looking to you as her rescue and support system.

Granted, if you develop a relationship, she may need your help or support occasionally, but this goes both ways and it’s part of a healthy relationship. This doesn’t make her a fixer-upper.

Here are signs of a fixer-upper (in other words, women to avoid):

Again, it’s important to stress that fixer-uppers are not necessarily bad people. But you are searching for a good girl to date and hopefully develop a lasting relationship with. Do you really want to spend the extra time, energy and even money to try to fix someone who may not even want fixing in the first place?

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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