Don’t Let Her See That Big Chip on Your Shoulder!

You’re having a nice conversation with a nice girl. You want to impress her, right? Then here is one of the best pieces of advice you can get – do not, whatever you do, start whining about how you’re such a nice guy and women only want bad boys. That’s the kiss of death.

There are a few reasons why you should never, ever add any comments like that to your conversation with a woman. First, it’s insulting to good women everywhere, and she’s likely to come away from the conversation thinking you’re an idiot.

Quality women do not appreciate the stereotype of only wanting bad boys. It’s true, there might be a fascination with bad boys among many women, but it’s the same with men and bad girls, isn’t it?

But when push comes to shove, you don’t want a mess of a bad girl, and women don’t want to deal with bad boys. They want good, intelligent, decent, interesting, nice guys. Treat every woman you meet like a woman who’s looking for a quality guy and you’ll get much better results.

A better approach than griping about previous experiences is to treat meeting and conversing with a new, beautiful and interesting woman like a job interview. You wouldn’t be inclined to tell a prospective boss that you’re a slacker and you haven’t a clue what you’re doing most of the time, would you?

You would tell him or her what your best qualifications for the job are. Highlight the good and don’t mention what might be perceived as bad. Your new girlfriend will find out if you have faults soon enough – there’s no reason to rush things and wreck your chances ahead of time.

When you talk to Ms. Wonderful, if you have a chip on your shoulder about dating and your bad luck with women, keep them to yourself. You want to project a positive image and an attitude of expecting good things to come of your conversation.

It’s fine, in fact a good thing, to tell her about how nice it is to talk to someone so interesting and fun. It’s okay to tell her that you’re looking for someone wonderful to date. You can do these things as long as you don’t come off as needy.

It’s okay to talk to her about things you enjoy doing or what you loved about your last vacation (doesn’t matter if it was an ice fishing weekend with your buddies, or a trip to Spain – just highlight that you’re fun and like to have fun).

It’s fine to talk to her about the funny thing your dog did at the bark park. Just leave the issues you have with dating out of the conversation. Instead, make what is probably the correct assumption, which is that she’s looking for a good guy, and make the best of your opportunity with her.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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