Are Your Expectations Too High?

Dating is not the place for people who have unrealistic expectations. It’s not the place to forget that the people we’re dating are human, meaning that they’re going to have foibles, bad hair days, funny looking feet, or an imperfect career.

There are nice guys out there that are far too ready to complain that they’re being rebuffed left and right for dates when perfectly great women are trying to get their attention. For your own sake, don’t be one of those men.

We all fantasize about the perfect date. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect job, lots of money, perfect sense of humor, perfect personality - always perfect in every way. Stop living in a fantasy world.

As the old saying goes, "No matter how good looking she is, some man, somewhere, is tired of listening to her complain." That’s not saying that every woman complains. That’s saying that no woman (or man) is the perfect ten in every way.

So if you’re thinking that you’re failing at dating because your idea of the perfect woman hasn’t fallen into your lap, or the most gorgeous woman at the office has turned you down for a date, you’re not paying attention.

Look around you. Most people aren’t tens – male or female. You might find someone with a ten mind and a six body. Or a ten body and a three personality. Or everything sevens and eights (which isn’t too bad, my friend).

You need to open yourself up so that you aren’t shutting out some really great dating prospects. Besides, are you a ten in every way? In the real world, we all have our shortcomings, so you may need to be okay with some shortcomings in your dates.

To do this, find out what your deal-breakers are. Everyone has them, and even if you’re a super-nice person, there are going to be things that you just can’t stand. Maybe you can’t stand women who are stick-thin.

Would you be fine with someone who was slightly overweight? Or does she have to have a perfect body? If she absolutely must have a perfect body, are you willing to accept less than a ten in another area?

Maybe you love long hair, but hers is short and spunky – but she’s got that perfect body and a sense of humor that entertains you all the time. Can you deal with that? You’re going to have to compromise with yourself somewhere.

What if you absolutely must have a date who’s extremely intelligent? Are you ruling out everyone who doesn’t have two PhDs? You might want to rethink that. You get the idea here, right?

You have to look at the whole package and not reject someone for one or two perceived flaws. If you do reject women who are great, but not perfect, you might be rejecting someone who could be the love of your life and who may end up being perfect in your eyes once you get to know her.

Unless you’re completely perfect yourself, don’t shoot yourself in the foot by rejecting imperfect women as possible dates. If she’s got one of your deal-breakers going, that’s one thing, but if you look at the whole package and see someone who’s averaging a decent score, then give her a shot. Don’t forget, she’s judging you the same way, and giving you a shot, too.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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