How Women Peg Guys Who Will Be "Just Friends"

Women can spot a "guy friend" at fifty paces, and you don’t want to be pegged that way! Certainly, good friend characteristics are similar to good boyfriend characteristics. These are: honesty, loyalty, respect, "being there" for her, attentiveness and reliability.

Here’s the thing – those are also characteristics of a good dog. So, what you need is to have those, plus boyfriend characteristics that add to what you’re offering. You can overdo it with all those wonderful traits and end up seeming, again, like a trusted friend, but nothing else.

Let’s look at how women decide what makes a good friend, and what makes a good boyfriend. We’ve already talked about what we’ll now refer to as "dog traits." That’s not meant to downplay the value of those characteristics at all.

They’re extremely valuable in life. But we need to find out what you must add (or even take away) to get on the potential boyfriend list. One the one hand, a woman doesn’t necessarily want a guy who has had a long list of romances and seems to move from one woman to the next as if there’s a production line.

On the other hand, if she knows you’ve been single forever, she’ll take that as a huge warning sign in neon. But what if you have been single forever? This might be a bit underhanded, and honesty is a very good thing, but you might want to find a way to keep from having that particular truth advertised without lying about it.

You can say that it’s been awhile. You can say that you took some time after your last break-up to find out what was really important in life. You can say that while you do want to share your life with someone, you felt it was important to take time to be alone after your last break-up.

But telling a woman you’ve never had a date will make you sound desperate, and you’ll most likely end up on the good friend list. Here’s another thing that will get you on the best friends forever list, but will ban you from the boyfriends list: sharing your own "must-have" list for the woman of your dreams.

If you care about ever getting a quality date, or a wife, keep your list to yourself because whoever you end up with is most likely not going to have all those things, and she’s not going to be happy knowing that while you and she are having dinner, you’re going through your checklist to size up her shortcomings.

Women want to be accepted for who they are. Yes, there are always things that you would like to be different about her. There are things she’d change about you, too. Women aren’t without lists. But smart daters keeps it to themselves.

We’ve already talked a little about desperation. There’s no place for it in dating and romance. Sometimes, it’s hard not to feel desperate, but you’re going to have to put that aside.

If you ask a woman out and she refuses, accept it and move on. Don’t ask her why and don’t keep bugging her. Be gracious about the refusal and start looking for someone else to ask out.

If you pester and demand to know why, you’re going to look desperate. If you just move on, you’re doing yourself a huge favor. She may even find you suddenly a bit more attractive if you don’t get all devastated about her rejection.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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