Don’t Sabotage Your Relationship

You’re in a relationship with a great woman, but you’ve had bad experiences before and you’re sort of waiting for it all fall apart, just like in the past. Before you go any further, you need to get rid of that self-defeating attitude and change your mindset before you sabotage your relationship.

Or, maybe you’re a bit disgruntled because you haven’t found your perfect soulmate. Good luck with finding anything perfect, because that’s a tall order. You have to realize that even the most beautiful, funny, smart and kind-hearted woman is not going to be perfect.

There will be something about her that annoys you, or she’ll disappoint you at some point in life. This is human nature. Keep your past grievances with women to yourself, because no one wants to hear your complaints about your bad luck in the romance department.

If you’re dating a nice girl and something happens – you run into an obstacle – don’t start saying that you "knew it would turn out this way" and that you "knew things wouldn’t work out because they never do."

When things aren’t going so good (and there will be times like that), instead of having flashbacks to the past, get yourself together and stay calm. Now is the time to show her that you’re intelligent, sensitive and smart.

Find a way to work out whatever the problem is. Take time to find out why the relationship is taking a downturn. Talk it over with her. Be prepared to actually take responsibility and take part in the "working out" process.

Likewise, she should be able to talk about problems and differences, too - without making assumptions, demands or adding drama to the situation. If she flips out and acts like a drama queen, it might be time for you to step back and see if you really do want to work things out with her.

Even the most well adjusted couples have moments when they don’t like each other, or one has done something that angers the other. The difference between making things worse and making things better is in the attitude. Make sure your attitude is one that says, "We can handle this," not - "Why does this always happen to me?"

Don’t sabotage your relationship with negatives, demands and complaints. It will only push her away from you. Learn to be calm and productive. You’ll find that she appreciates that kind of attitude and she’ll respond much more positively to it.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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