Invite Her to Something You’re Already Going To

Sometimes formally asking for a date seems sort of weird, even though you want to go out with her. It just seems like you’re back in school to have to walk up to a woman you like and say, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

It’s pretty stiff and seems old fashioned. A more comfortable approach can be to invite her to join you for an activity that you already have planned for yourself (even if you haven’t really planned it for yourself). Here’s how:

The first step is to have an idea of what interests you and she have in common. If you have things in common that you enjoy, for example hiking, the next time you plan a hiking daytrip, you can invite her along.

Make the invitation very casual by first talking about the outing and making it sound exciting. Then lead into a spiel where she can "join you if she wants" - she will feel a lot more comfortable and less pressured that it’s a date.

This tactic works well because you’re implying that you know she’s going to enjoy doing whatever it is with you. Frame the invitation so that you sound enthusiastic and like you know you’re both going to have fun and that it will be a great way for you to pass some time together.

Maybe you know her from a book club. You could let her know when an author is going to be in town for a reading and you could suggest you go together. Put it like this, "I just heard that Stephen King is going to be doing a reading at Barnes and Noble! I got tickets, so why don’t you come along?" How can she resist an invitation like that?

The premise of asking her to something you’re already going to can apply to just about anything. If you’re going to a party at the opening of a new club or if you’re going to the tattoo convention and you know you’re both into tattoos, just tell her that it’s coming up, looks like there will be a lot of interesting people and things to see and invite her to come, too.

When you ask a girl out for this kind of date, you’re really doing yourself a favor because she won’t feel the pressure of a sometimes awkward dinner and movie type of date. She knows you are going to be having a good time and that the two of you will be able to enjoy something that you have in common.

This is a great way to get to know each other better and if it goes well, you can always extend the "date" by going for a bite to eat afterwards. If you don’t get out much and don’t have a lot of things lined up for yourself to invite her to, you’ll need to add some activities to your list.

Don’t be lazy – dating and getting dates isn’t for lazy people and you need to put forth effort. Make sure your list has activities you actually like, because you need to be authentic from the beginning. When you approach dating this way, it becomes easier and much less pressure-filled for you both.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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