Never Ask for Her Phone Number

You’ve met a woman that you like, and it seems like she likes you, too. How are you going to keep in touch until it’s time to plan a date? The obvious way would be to ask for her phone number and/or email address so you can get in touch with her, but that may not be your best choice in every circumstance.

Women aren’t always comfortable giving out that kind of information until they know a person pretty well. In this day and age, most everyone is more reluctant to give out personal information - except in situations where they feel very comfortable.

A first meeting probably isn’t comfortable enough for some women. There are a few ways you can get around this, and while they might take more effort, if you show her that you’re willing to take her natural cautiousness into consideration, she will appreciate you for it and probably think highly of you because of it.

Something that you can do to really instill trust is to give her your phone number and/or email address instead of asking her to give you hers. This lets her know that you seriously want to stay in touch, and it gives her a bit more control over the situation.

It might be hard as a man to give up control, but you have to be willing to play the game sometimes. If she’s into you, she will call or email. If you don’t hear from her, it’s disappointing, but you’ll get over it.

Another possibility is to tell her that you’ve really had a great time talking to her and you’d like to keep in touch. You can then say something like, "Let’s exchange phone numbers (or email addresses) so we can keep in touch and maybe get together sometime."

Then you can write your information down and give it to her in hopes that she gives you hers, too. If she does, you’re all set. If she doesn’t, just wait for her to contact you, but don’t pressure her to give you her information.

The last thing you ever want to do is to appear too aggressive or demanding when you’re trying to get a date. Nor do you want to appear desperate, so if she doesn’t pony up – no asking why or trying to change her mind.

She might just be very cautious - and in this case - you can always give her a way to get a hold of you by telling her how much you enjoyed your conversation and that you’d like to talk again. If you do this while handing her your business card or your email address on a slip of paper, you can look forward to hearing from her.

People are more cautious in general today, and women tend to be much more cautious about giving out their digits than in the past. You have to accept that for what it is and not take it personally.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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