Do Opposites Really Attract?

Do opposites really attract? Yes and no. You’ve heard that in love relationships, opposites do attract, and that’s probably true. People who are different than us (in temperament especially) fascinate us. But a relationship with opposites can be tumultuous, too.

When we talk about opposites attracting, we’re not talking about you (a nice guy) being attracted to a bad girl, although that can certainly happen. You might find a bad girl attractive because she has a devil-may-care attitude, seems very mysterious or has a very naughty streak.

That’s fine, but you have to ask yourself if you really want someone who’s that far on the spectrum of behaviors and beliefs as you. As exciting as that might seem, the combination of you and a bad girl is most likely doomed.

So, back to the question "Do opposites really attract?" If you end up with someone who is very, very different from you, you’re probably not going to be happy in the long run. But if you choose someone who is very much the same, it will probably be the same story because you’ll both become bored.

You have to have enough differences in your personalities, interests, temperaments, and desires to keep things exciting and balanced, but not so many differences that it causes a lot of grief.

Look for a girl who’s similar to you when it comes to your core values and beliefs, such as opinions about having children. If you have comparable views about spirituality, politics and so forth, this helps, but it’s not a prerequisite as long as it doesn’t cause arguments that are insurmountable.

Personality-wise, if you’re very quiet and reserved, a more outgoing personality might compliment yours - as long as you don’t annoy each other too much. Likewise, if she’s a bit daring (does she have a tattoo on her shoulder?), and you would like to be a bit more daring, she might bring that quality out in you.

What about interests? You should definitely share some interests because in the long run, these are the things that create bonds. You don’t have to love everything she does or vice versa, but there should be some overlap.

And you can learn new things from each other this way. You may actually find that you like the ballet (sure, it’s a long shot), and she may find that she loves hockey. Balance is the key here.

You can’t have someone just like you and you can’t have someone who is your polar opposite. Either way, you’ll both end up tired of each other and very frustrated. Instead, see where the differences, similarities and overlaps are.

Can you tolerate your differences and even learn something new? Are your similarities significant enough to create lasting bonds? This is your answer. Find a great girl who’s like you, but at the same time isn’t. That’s where your perfect match lies.

------------------------------------

Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
See the online dating site she recommends...

SIGN UP NOW!