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The Second Date

A Second Date Doesn’t Mean You’re "Dating" Yet

Just because she’s said yes to a second date doesn’t mean your dating exclusively, so don’t jump the gun and declare that she’s yours. You might like her a lot and you’ve been waiting and searching a long time for someone as pretty, funny, smart and cool as she is.

But you shouldn’t pin your hopes all on this one person just yet, and she shouldn’t do that to you, either. It can be a big turn-off and feel desperate to the other person who begins to view you as "clingy" or territorial.

Dating exclusively is a big step. No, it’s not as big as moving in together, but it does represent a level of commitment and while you might think you’re ready by the second date, you’re probably not. There’s nothing wrong with giving it some time.

For some, dating exclusively only takes place after several dates and a discussion in which the agreement is made to only date each other. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with dating around for awhile until you both decide that you like each other best out of the dating pool.

Here’s how to keep things from getting too serious, too fast:

Continue to date her regularly, but date other women too - and assume she’s dating other guys.

Use this time to really get to know her, and to understand your feelings about her. Are you feeling desperate, like you must have her all to yourself right now? If that’s the case, you need to figure out what’s going on with yourself. Are you in love or are you desperate to have a girlfriend?

Keep the early dates fun, light and casual. They’re meant for getting to know one another. You have a lifetime to get into deep, meaningful conversations.

After several dates, if you really do like her, make the dates a bit more romantic and see how she responds. If her response is favorable, there’s a clue that you both might want to take it to the next step soon.

If, after several dates over the period of at least a few months, you still think she’s someone you want to commit yourself exclusively to, then it’s time to find out if she feels the same.

If you get to the point where you feel it’s time to become an exclusive couple, you can start a conversation with her about the subject. You should have a pretty good idea beforehand if she feels the same, so hopefully you won’t get any unpleasant surprises. Make sure that you’ve taken the time you need to date other women to see if she truly is a good fit for you. This won’t happen overnight, so don’t try to force it.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
See the online dating site she recommends...

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