Should You Go for the First Kiss?

Things are going great on your date. You and she have had fun, great conversation and you like her a lot. Should you try to kiss her? The first date kiss is always a bit of a conundrum.

Some say you should never try to get a kiss on the first date, and others say that if she seems willing, why not? Your best bet is to check your own feelings and check her body language to see if a kiss is in order.

If you really sincerely like her, and you think a kiss is appropriate, then from your side of the equation, it’s okay. If you’re iffy about how you feel about her after the date and you’re not certain you’re planning to ask for a second date, then don’t bother - it might confuse her and lead to problems in the future. If you aren’t into her, leave kissing and everything else alone.

Next, you need to be aware of signals that she’s sending. If she’s leaning in, that’s a pretty sure sign that she’s into you and would like a kiss. If the two of you are cuddled close with your arms around each other, it’s a safe bet she’d give you a green light.

If she’s affectionately touching you on the hand, arm or shoulders, you can try a kiss. Some women don’t bother with innuendo and simply ask for a kiss. If so, you’re in luck. But remember, it’s okay for her to ask, but not so much for you to ask. You need to relax and wait for her signal.

Having said all of that, there is a school of thought that says you should be a complete gentleman and not kiss her on the first date regardless. This might gain points for you as a sincerely nice person, since every girl knows that the bad boys will go in for the kill as soon as possible.

If you refrain from trying to kiss her, it’s possible that she’ll view you as a gentleman, but it will also intrigue her a bit and make her wonder if you like her as much as she likes you. There’s nothing wrong with letting her wonder – it’s part of the dating game, too.

You can substitute taking her hand in yours and telling her what a great time you had. You can even give her a gentle peck on the forehead or the cheek. Some women consider this especially sweet, but they’re still left wondering a little, and in this case, that’s good.

That first kiss is always an anticipation-filled event. But if your timing is off, or if she isn’t into you yet, you’re going to end up disappointed. It’s better to wait for the right signals, and be aware of how you feel, too. If you’re into each other, it will happen at the right time under the right circumstances.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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