From Time to Time, You’re Going to Strike Out

No one, not even the savviest, sexiest guy on the planet gets every date he wants and has a 100% dating success record. You’re going to strike out once in awhile. Someone you really like might turn you down for a date, or you might have a date that doesn’t pan out well.

What are you going to do? Here’s the first thing you’re not going to do – complain. So it didn’t turn out well, or she said, "no" when you asked her out. Get over it and move on. Not every girl is going to like you or want to date you and you are going to have bad dates.

Understand that things don’t always go as planned, but we get another chance tomorrow. Yes, it’s disappointing, but it’s reality, so prepare yourself for it and buck up. The second thing you can’t do is give up.

Dating is tough and not for the faint of heart. If you ask someone out and she says, "no," don’t take it personally. She might have reasons other than the awful ones you’re already assuming.

She might already have a boyfriend, she might be a lesbian, she might be taking a break from dating, or she might be in the middle of a family crisis that’s taking up all of her time and energy. Just don’t take a "no" personally because most times it has nothing to do with you.

The third thing is something you should do. You should take time to give some thought to whether or not it might be you. If you asked a woman out and she said, "no," it’s no big deal.

But if you’ve asked several women out and gotten negative responses from all of them, you need to analyze your approach. Just make sure that you’re not being obnoxious or desperate because you won’t get many dates that way.

If you’ve had a date and things just didn’t go well, you can spend a bit of time analyzing what went wrong – again, it may not be you at all! Maybe you found out that you two really don’t have all that much in common.

Or maybe she picked food out of her teeth with her fingernails, or maybe you droned on and on about your last crappy relationship. Just try to see what might have happened and if you can identify problems with your own behavior, take steps to correct them before you go out with a different woman.

Striking out is part of the game, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. You’re not going to be successful 100% of the time. View "failures" as opportunities to learn something about yourself.

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Dr. Molly Goodman is founder of the Goodman Institute For Better Sex.
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